


Ludus

by seasalttoffee



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, First Dates, Frat Parties, Internalized Biphobia, Karl POV, Karl majors in film, Late Night Conversations, Late Night Drives, Laughter, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Maybe angst, Most of the characters later in the character list are mentioned only briefly, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sapnap majors in compsci, Sensory Overload, Slow-ish burn, Soft Kisses, Sorry about that!, actually beta read!! pog, anxiousness, getting drunk, huh, that isnt a tag??, thats why this is rated mature they get drunk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:13:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasalttoffee/pseuds/seasalttoffee
Summary: 𝐋𝐮𝐝𝐮𝐬 ↦ 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬, 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠➥ 𝖨𝗍 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝖼𝗋𝗂𝖻𝖾𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝖼𝗋𝗎𝗌𝗁 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗍, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗌 𝗋𝗈𝗈𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗇 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝗎𝗇.
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 48
Kudos: 173





	1. White Camellia

**Author's Note:**

> aah! mkay hi! welcome! i'm taking a break from my dreamnotfound stuff cause i really need to! i don't know where to go with it so yeah! have some soft karlnap instead! this is probably gonna be updated pretty frequently cause karlnap has become a comfort ship! i really hope you guys like this! if you have an suggestions or comments i would love to hear them!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burned Out - Dodie

The sharp sound of Karl's phone alarm rang out, echoing around the walls of his shared dorm room. He sat up, blearily looking around before rubbing his eyes and getting out of bed. 

_You have 15 minutes until classes start. Get a move on, Karl. I know, shut up._

He walked over to the shared closet, hastily pulling out a pair of black jeans, a pair of boxers, and a sweatshirt. Stripping himself of his sleepwear, he got dressed quickly, nearly tripping over himself while putting on his jeans, before grabbing a pair of brightly colored socks and rushing into the kitchen.

The brunet leaned on the edge of the table, pulling on his socks quickly and grabbing an apple. He turned around and grabbed his jacket, opening the door to his dorm.

Stepping out into the hallway was never fun, the few people with morning classes always looked dead on their feet, shuffling through the area briskly and avoiding eye contact with people as if looking at someone would cause them to burst into flame. He made his way around the few night time stragglers, apologizing every now and then for accidentally bumping into someone.

While walking, Karl slipped on his jacket, heading over to the staircase leading out of the dorm building. 

He quickly made his way down them, pushing the doors to outside and sucking in a cold breath of air. Breathing out softly, he walked through the mist left behind, picking up his pace. 

_10 minutes._

Walking turned into sprinting, ragged breaths crystalizing in the air. Pushing past the slight burning in his lungs, Karl ran along the sidewalk, feet beating against the pavement underneath him.

He glanced to the left, knowing he'd need to turn soon. 

_C'mon, c'mon. You can't be late again. George will literally crucify you if he knew you woke up late again._

His feet stuttered under him, and before he could process what was happening, Karl was falling. The brunet braced for impact, knees hitting the pavement before he could stop them. A pained wince crawled up his throat.

"Hey, are you okay?" The voice was smooth, concerned, attached to sweatpants and a white hoodie

A hand reached out, stopping a few inches away from his face. He looked up, met with concerned brown eyes, and cheeks flushed pink from the cold. His lips parted, words on the tip of his tongue.

His brain screamed at him, telling him he was staring, and that he was embarrassing himself as he grabbed the strangers hand, pulling himself up with a weak thank you.

_Just say something. Speak. Your mouth is already open. Stop being stupid._

"Uh...."

_Smooth. Really cool. Nice._

He watched, memorizing, as the face in front of him shifted from concerned to amused, an eyebrow raising as lips quirked into a small smile, teeth shining through slightly.

The beating in his chest increased, ribcage shaking slightly due to the intensity. 

"Yeah. I uh..I'm fine. I'm good. This is normal. I'm-..really clumsy. I'll probably just have bruised knees. Hopefully it won't be pretty boy-" The pink that tinted his cheeks darkened, eyes going wide. "Pretty bad! I meant pretty bad! I have to go, I'm gonna be late and my roommate will kill me if he knows!" He gestured to the building behind the two of them, letting out a tense laugh.

By the time he had finished speaking, his voice was high, shrill with embarrassment as he tripped over his words, internally screaming. 

He walked away from the man, hands shooting to his face as he desperately tried to rub the red tint on his face away. Brown eyes stared into his soul as he picked up his walking pace, opening the door to the Film Studies building.

_What was that? That isn't-....why did your heart start beating so fast? Stop blushing! You are not embarrassed. That was so......awkward oh my god. It's okay. You're never going to see him again._

His breathing stuttered, face still flushed as his brain ran a mile a minute, thoughts bouncing around his brain at the speed of light. 

_He was really cute. No. No. Shut up. He was not._

Walking into his classroom, he collapsed in his seat, dropping his head into his hands with an unhappy noise. 

_At least you had 2 minutes to spare._

Class dragged on, his professor talking about the importance of character development. His pencil tapped lightly against the table in front of him. His thoughts started to drift, the lesson becoming an afterthought.

Snapshots of whiskey brown eyes, filled with liquid courage and radiating warmth, flickered to the forefront of his brain. The concerned creasing in the stranger's forehead, mouth curved downward as a calloused hand reached out to help him up, much larger then his own. 

Karl inhaled sharply, lungs filling with anxiety. He exhaled, trying to rid himself of the nervous feeling settling in his gut. His heart jumped a little, panic ebbing away at his ribcage.

_You don't like boys. You can't like boys. You have always liked girls._

His eyes snapped to his teacher, thumb raising to his mouth before gently biting at the appendage. The room swirled slightly, ears picking up on the water bottle opening a few rows down, and the sound of chewing gum. 

The brunet swallowed, breathing uneven. Without thinking, he stood up, hands slamming down on the table he was sitting at. He cringed at the noise, face going pink with embarrassment at his professor going quiet.

A meek apology slipped past his lips before he whirled around, stumbling into a chair as he walked out of the classroom. His feet moved on their own, turning his body down hallway after hallway before stopping a foot away from a heavy wooden door, purposefully fogged glass blocking his view from the inside.

Sucking in air in uneven intervals, the brunet shivered lightly, a chill running up his spine despite being inside. With shaky hands, he grabbed the metal handle, pulling the door open before stepping into the room he was previously closed off from.

Karl felt his shoulders sag slightly, letting the quiet bustling of the library lull him to contentment.

_Perfect._

Shaking himself out of nervous stance, he walked over to a table near the back of the library, the scent of paper calming him. His arms folded, gently pressed against the smooth surface of wood underneath him.

Without much thought, he set his head down, slate eyes drifting closed as wave after wave of relaxation slid down his throat.

"Hey! You're the dude who fell earlier, right? Are you okay?"


	2. Begonia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chills - Down With Webster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see i said this was going to be updated pretty frequently and it feels nice to take a break from dreamnotfoudn fdjfjsof and like sad stuff! i hope you guys enjoy it as much as i do!!!!

Upon hearing the voice, his head shot off of his arms, eyes rapidly blinking against the fluorescent lights of the library.

His breathing stopped, air going stagnant in his lungs, filling his head with stale energy. Incoherent noises scrambled out of his throat, mouth trying to form words. 

_You're embarrassing yourself._

Karl puffed out his chest with fake confidence, laughing loudly before shrinking under the scrutinizing gazes of his peers. His head tilted down, eyes flickering up to look at the stranger currently standing near him.

"Yep. Yeah I-...Um that was me. Thank you for helping me up."

Molten lava swirled in his stomach, heating up his body and dissolving any form of rational thought. Heat pricked along his skin, neck lighting up with a pink blush. Sharp flames bubbled under his skin, bordering on painful as embarrassment swamped his system, breath hitching lightly.

_You're better then this. Stop. Get ahold of yourself._

The man beside him sat down in a chair, shoes squeaking against the floor. "Breathe, dude. You look like I'm about to murder you."

Sucking in a deep breath, he swallowed the nerves that had clawed their way into his throat, ignoring the little voice in the back of his head that told him to leave.

"You might. I don't know you all that well." The laugh he received made that little step out of his comfort zone much more worth it, body relaxing as he heard the stranger snort softly. 

Butterflies tickled his insides, wings soft and dainty as they fluttered around, brushing against his ribcage and settling in his stomach. The urge to vomit suddenly wrapped his brain, intense and loud.

"True, true. I'm Nick, my friends call me Sapnap." Nick offered his hand again, a friendly smile splitting his face. The brunet reached out, shaking Nick's hand hesitantly, pushing away the intense screaming in his head.

_He's so warm. Why are his hands so big? He's shorter then you. Why is you're heart beating so fast? Stop it. You're staring. You're still holding his hand. Oh my god. He's looking at you. His eyes are so pretty. Say something you idiot, talk to him._

Sepia orbs stared expectantly, a single brow arching.

"Oh! Uh...I'm Karl. My...friends usually just call me Karl. It's nice to meet you." Slipping his hand out of Nick's, he plastered on a smile, hand instinctively moving to cover his teeth, blocking out his teeth. He watched Nick's eyes drop to his hand, flickering into an unreadable expression before drifting back to his eyes slowly.

His heart soared, bouncing around his chest eagerly.

_Gosh, Karl, you need to calm down. You're okay. He wasn't checking you out. He totally didn't take a long time looking at your face. Shut up. Stop it. George is probably worried sick. You should go back soon._

"Uh...My classes are basically over, and I usually don't stay out to long after I finish them so...I should...yeah. My roommate is probably expecting me."

He ignored the little pitter his heart did as Sapnap's expression crumbled slightly, dropping for a fraction of a second before shifting back into a warm smile.

Karl stood up, shifting on his feet. "Right. Yeah. Totally, dude. Sorry to keep you waiting. Want my number just in case you fall again?"

_Say yes._

"Yeah! I'd love it. Don't know how that would help me if I fell...I'm not an old man...Uh here lemme just-" he patted at his pockets, eyebrows furrowing slightly in concentration. An unhappy noise slipped past his lips, the search for his phone growing progressively more frantic. "I don't think-.....I'm so sorry uh....Do you have a pen on you..?"

A sheepish look split his face, cheeks tinting a light pink as a soft chuckle escaped the still seated Nick. "Yeah. I do. Where do you want me to write it?" 

Karl offered his arm, rolling up the sleeve of his sweatshirt meekly. "Right there is good."

Watching intently as Nick pulled the pen out of his sweat pocket, the brunet steadied his breathing, keeping himself calm as Sapnap grabbed his arm gently.

Electricity jolted over his skin, bouncing around on the surface, goosebumps raising in it's wake. The pen pressed against his skin, cool ink marring it as the ballpoint glided smoothly.

The pen pulled away, a click sounding off quietly as Nick put the object away.

Karl stared down at the digits, mouth parted.

"You should get going, Karl. Text me when you can. Or call. Doesn't matter to me."

The brunet nodded numbly, feeling like he was floating outside of his body as he turned around, heading out of the library and back into the cold.

Air burned his lungs, freezing inside his chest as he made his way back to his dorm.

_You got his number. Why does that make you so happy? He probably does that with a lot of people. Right? Yeah. Of course he does. He's nice, funny, attractive-. Nope. No. He's nice and funny of course he has friends. You're just one of them now._

Walking into his dorm felt like a dream, welcoming and warm. He kicked his sneakers off, pulling off his jacket and throwing it on the couch. 

His mind slowed, thoughts drifting into sweet nothings, simmering down into something silent, calming as he walked into his room.

Promptly collapsing on his bed, he let the anxiety drain out of his veins, exhaustion sluggishly replacing the tenseness from before. The brunet sighed softly, feeling all of his nerves flutter through his lips. Grabbing his phone, he unlocked the device, entering Sapnap's contact lazily before sending a text.

sappy

⋆⋆⋆-⋆⋆⋆⋆

_**hey, it's karl!** _

His eyes fluttered shut, lashes tickling the tops of his cheeks as the coziness of his room enveloped him.

Before he knew it, Karl drifted to sleep, phone number completely forgotten about, ink smudging lightly on his sheets as he curled into a tight ball, the soft hum of electricity around him lulling him to sleep.

His phone pinged quietly, vibrating softly against the cool linen of his bed, lighting up his face with a soft glow, illuminating his cheeks.

**_awesome! thanks for the text babe!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so so much for reading! please let me know if anything is wrong or should be added to tags! feedback is always appreciated!


	3. Fern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wish You Were Sober - Conan Gray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the support, i am so glad you guys like this as much as i do!!! just letting you know that the songs in the chapter summaries are the songs that inspired each chapter! and the names of the chapters have special meaning!!!  
> white camellia - adorable, loveable  
> begonia - be careful, deep thinking  
> fern - sincerity, confidence

A hand pushed on Karl's shoulder incessantly, shaking him awake with a harsh determination. A groggy noise bubbled past his lips, dripping with annoyance. "'M up. 'M awake." He murmured, eyes still shut tight. 

"Yeah, obviously. Get up, It's 7 PM and I would rather not have you staying up all night." The words were dripping with a fond sort of annoyance, laced with sarcasm. 

His hand reached up, shooing away the one currently resting on his shoulders. "Look. see? 'M awake. Moving and everything." He heard the scoff escape his roommates lips, his face splitting into a grin. "Karl, up. I brought home food."

With a little huff, the brunet sat up, eyes fluttering open enough to watch George exit the room, leaving his door open, causing light to stream in. Squinting against the sudden blast of bright light, he got up, arms throwing themselves above his head as he leisurely stretched.

Walking out into their small kitchen with a content sigh, the smell of Subway hit his nose. His stomach growled, grumbling unhappily from within the confinements of his body. "Did you like...not eat today? I heard that from here." His face turned pink, an offended squawk bursting out of his chest.

"I-..I had an apple! For breakfast. I mean I dropped it but I got at least 1 good bite out of it! I just-..." his voice turned small, tone soft and quiet. "got distracted.."

George let out a thoughtful hum, grabbing a glass from one of the kitchen cabinets. 

The brunet sat on one of the dining room chairs, wincing at the creak the old wooden thing let out. "Stop judging me. I can hear your cocky little eyebrow raise thingy from here." His hand reached out, grabbing one of the sandwich bags from table. "I'm so glad we have basically the same tastes."

"No we don't. Check that, make sure it has stuff you like on it before eating it, last thing we both need is for you to end up in a coughing fit because of the stuff I put on mine." The British man rolled his eyes, filling his glass with tap water before turning around and sitting across the table from the taller man. "By the way, your phone has been blowing up. Someone in your contacts named "sappy" has been trying to call you."

His stomach dropped, appetite stuttering slightly. "What? You didn't wake me up? George! What the honk, dude!?" He stood up, heart rapidly beating. 

_Stop. Chill. Stop it. Friends call eachother all the time. You guys are friends. You are friends. Friends. Yeah, sure. IF you two are friends, why does your heart do a stupid little dance every time he's brought up. Shut up. Stop arguing in your brain and answer him already._

"No, Karl. I didn't wake you up. I wasn't home." The other man said, tone of voice dry as his eyes followed the leaving form of his roommate. "Please just say fuck."

Heading back to his room, he grabbed his phone, unlocking the device quickly and recoiling at the number of missed calls. 

He clicked on Nick's contact, tapping the call button and pulling the phone to his ear, throat closing with each individual ring. "Karl? Hey man!"

The phone crackled slightly, Nick's voice mixing in with hundreds of other people talking, loud music making the sentence hard to understand. 

"Nick..? You're really hard to hear right now." He chewed at his bottom lip, teeth pulling at dead skin, gut twisting nervously.

The call picked up shuffling, and Sapnap apologizing to someone on the other side of the line, the music growing distant as footsteps headed presumably upstairs. "Sorry about that. Hey dude! I missed you." His heart hammered, thumping loudly in his ears.

_He missed you. He likes you enough to miss you. He likes you. He-...His words are slurred, be careful. Be careful, he might be drunk. Ask if he's drunk._

"Are you drunk?"

"Oh yeah, 100% sloshed at this point."

"I-..Nick wh-...I mean thank you for the honesty..? Why are you-.."

"I'm at my fraternity right? And they threw a party, and I cant not go, I live here and-.." a sharp giggle. "then I got drunk cause I was nervous I did somethin' wrong, okay? Cause I called you babe and you just didn't even answer and-..."

Sucking in a sharp breath, the brunet pinched his nose, ignoring the heated flare in his stomach. _He called you babe. Babe. Babe. People who date call eachother babe. Not just friends. Babe. Oh my god. Oh. babe. Stop, shush, there are more important things to do._

"I'm coming to get you. Go wait outside, get some fresh air. You can stay at my dorm tonight."

He didn't wait for the other man to answer, ending the call and heading back out into the kitchen. "George, go stay with Dream tonight please." He heard a shocked noise leave the British man, ignoring the questioning look and confused half-sentences. "Please. I'm bringing someone home, he needs a place that isn't filled with bad decisions to stay."

Snatching his jacket off the couch for the second time that day, he slipped it on, quickly worming his way through the hallways and sucking in a hard breath to steel himself for the chilly air.

Karl opened the door to outside, exhaling shakily before walking along the concrete path way leading to the section of his college dedicated to the fraternity houses.

The cold air bit at his skin, digging into his pores sharply. Puffs of air escaped through his nose.

Music echoed through the air hollowly, silver eyes drifted to the source of the music, his walking speeding up to a light jog.

Before he knew what was happening, a plethora of drunk people started to stumble passed him, laughing and tripping over their feet. Karl grimaced, expression dropping into an unhappy scowl.

_Great. Nick isn't out here. Why isn't he out here. You don't want to go in, it's to loud. Yeah but Nick needs you right now. He'll be fine right..? Maybe, but he missed you enough to spam call you. Just go in, quick in and out to find him and then you leave._

A soft sigh slipped out of his lungs, nerves thrumming anxiously as he walked through the door.

Music slammed against his eardrums, the smell of alcohol making him gag. Bile settled in his throat, heart sinking slightly. Nervous eyes flitted around, looking for a staircase of some kind. 

Laughter sounded to his left, bright and warm and so distinctly familiar that he couldn't help but look over.

_Nick._

Quickly making his way through the crowd of drunk people, he stopped in front of what looked to be a beer pong table, littered with rows of plastic cups.

"Karl!" A broad arm landed on his shoulder, pulling his frame closer.

His brain fizzled, short circuiting as he looked over at who was touching him.

"Sapnap can we-...I mean I-....You said that-....Okay uh...lets go. It's time to go, remember? You're staying at my place tonight."

The brunet ignored the sharp whistling that sounded off, keeping his voice as steady as he could as a dark pink crawled up his neck, setting his skin on fire in it's wake, settling on the tips of his ears, and on his face. "Please? Can we-..Uh we're leaving. Come on."

Dragging the hand off of his shoulder, he entangled it in his own, pulling Sapnap through the crowd towards the door.

As soon as the two of them pushed their way outside, he coughed, choking as he inhaled fresh, non-alcoholic air into his lungs, thankful for the easy out they had gotten.

"You sound good gagging. I like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so so so much! please continue leaving comments, they fuel my writing!!!!


	4. Pink Camellia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can We Dance - The Vamps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihi! updating this again while i think about how to update my dnf and dreamnotnap fics!! :D aha...uh anyways! thank you for liking this so much, really and truly, it means a lot! i was super worried no one would even read it cause the stuff i write that doesnt involve shipping and dream tends not to blow up? anyways! thank you again!!
> 
> pink camellia - strong desire

Jittery laughter bubbled past his lips, wavering slightly underneath the intense stare of golden irises. A sparkler lit up in his gut, fizzling bold and bright. "I-...Y'know I don't-...You shouldn't really...say things like that...Not-...You aren't thinking clearly. C'mon you're like a big baby and I was never really good at babysitting..."

Pushing through the tense air surrounding the two of them, Karl dragged Nick behind him, chilly air nipping at his skin, grounding him. Forcing himself to breathe, the brunet made quick work of getting back to his dorm, ignoring the childish noises escaping the other man behind him.

By the time the two of them had safely made it back to his dorm, Karl was exhausted again, letting go of Nick's hand for a single second to unlock the white door to his living space.

High pitched giggle echoed quietly through the hallway to his room, breaking the illusion of silence his brain had created. Stone colored eyes flickered to the sound, landing on two bodies.

Jealousy exploded in his chest, seeping into his bones and settling into his muscles. His heart sagged, bitter rejection filling his lungs.

Nick had his forehead pressed against a woman, only slightly shorter then himself, lips murmuring softly into her hair. By the embarrassed look on her face, it seemed incredibly intimate.

His voice came out ragged, sharp and unhappy. 

_You didn't even know if this dude was straight. Stop getting on snappy at him for something like that. Just because he made you feel all....doesn't mean he liked you back. Wait...You want to be in her position don't you? Shut up. Please. Please be quiet._

"I think we should leave her alone, Sapnap, you're really drunk right now." The brunet smiled tensely, shooting an apologetic look at the woman, barely concealed frustration bubbling under the surface of his skin as he dragged Sapnap into his dorm. 

_You've known him for like 2 days. Stop overreacting. There is just something wrong with you. Besides, you didn't even like boys until you met him so obviously it was a limited thing. Not something that would happen forever._

The door all but slammed behind the two men, the beginnings of a migraine pricking the corners of Karl's periphery as the brunet slipped off his jacket, handing the piece of clothing up.

"You can sleep in my room if you'd like, the bed is comfier then the couch and-...hey!"

A broad body slumped against his, dead weight causing the brunet to stumble, before inevitably collapsing on the ground as Nick giggled on top of him.

Karl grumbled, ignoring the fluttering of his heart and pushing at the other's shoulder to try and get the drunk man off of him. "Sapnap, c'mon! Sleeping on the floor is never fun and I don't-...really-..like okay just-. Get up."

Calloused hands cupped the side of his face, squishing his cheeks and squashing his features down. His struggling halting, brain hesitating at the intimate gesture. "You're pretty. And soft. I like that."

His heart slammed to a stop, breath hitching in his throat. Tremoring fingers pulled large hands away from his face, body warming despite his internal chastisement. The brunet stared, jaw slack as Sapnap sluggishly rolled off off of him, lazily pushing himself up before crashing against the couch.

The piece of furniture creaked under the sudden weight, dipping. Soft snoring sounded off, notifying Karl that the other burnet was asleep.

Staring at the ceiling, his heart finally started to beat again, breathing slowing coming to a soft beat. Shell-shock relaxed in his system, chipping away at his resolve as he got up, quietly making his way to his room.

_Pretty. He thinks you're pretty. And he likes that you are? What does that mean._

His soul convulsed, electricity vibrating under his skin. Anxiety fizzled away from the forefront of his mind, a thick desire settling in it's place.

Staggering to his room, he pulled his sweatshirt off, grabbing a pair of sweatpants numbly.

Working on autopilot, the brunet changed, practically feeling himself try to reboot internally. His breathing picked up, turning into an uneasy pant, forcing his glassy eyes to refocus as he tried to calm down.

Crumbling on his bed for the second time that night, Karl placed a hand over his chest, restricting his thoughts.

_Don't. It's okay. Breathe. You're okay. Deep breaths. It's okay._

Feeling himself inhale deeply before settling into a pattern, the brunet sighed, hand running down his face as he flopped onto his back.

Limbs starfished outwards, gray orbs drifting to the ceiling and tracing every little crack and crevice. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his lungs compress with the movement, mimicking it.

_You're okay._

Defeated tears stung the insides of his eyelids, begging to drip down the sides of his face. He allowed them, allowed the panic induced sobs wrack his body, gasping breaths pummeling the inside of his throat.

_You're not okay._

Blearily, he turned his gaze to his door, making sure that the man sleeping in his living room couldn't here him as he violently shuddered.

Cold tear tracks stuck to his skin, waves upon waves of warm wetness rushing down his face to replace them. 

Reaching into the darkness, he blindly felt around on his bed before swiping his phone and unlocking it. Pulling up the contact, his teeth dug into the sid eof his mouth, chewing at his cheek.

Distress punctured his brain, dread sailing into the core of his being before he clicked the call button. The phone rang 4 times, before a soft, tired voice picked up. Shame dug it's claws into his heart, tearing away, consuming him.

"Karl, sweetie? Isn't it late for you? Why haven't you been calling?"

"Hi mom..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so so much for reading! constructive criticism and comments are always welcomed! even saying hi is appreciated! thank you so much!


	5. Azalea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Like You - Orla Gartland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAH!! okay hihi! i have inspo!!! specifically for this story!!! thank you for letting me have a break it means the world! i am super excied to give this chapter to you guys! i will try updating mess me up and of ash and sky soon! i actually had a draft saved for mess me up but it didn't save ): anyways! please point out any spelling or grammatical errors! especially since i haven't written in a bit! and as always, enjoy! oh and before i forget, this chapter is sadly not beta read! sorry D:  
> Azalea - fragility, patience, and motherhood

She was speaking, he could hear her words, could envision her mouth saying them. The concerned questions came out fuzzy, becoming indiscernible, unclear. 

"-eathe. Karl, honey you need to-." He hiccupped, squeezing his hands above his heart. "It isn't fair." He could barely speak, throat dry, stuffed with cotton, voice a shaky whisper.

Inside the walls of his room, it sounded like a scream. "What isn-." He couldn't make out the rest, ears ringing, high pitched squealing buzzing around his brain.

 _Stop. Make it stop. It hurts. Please ma_ -"ke it stop!"

Warm hands covered his ears, persistent, grounding. His head was pulled, hitting something solid, warm, and gentle. The color peach thumped against the corners of his brain.

Soothing fingers ran through the strands of his hair, pausing every time they caught. One hand drifted downwards, holding the base of his neck with steady pressure.

"-rry about this, I'm Nic-"

"-u stay with him for the rest of t-"

"-eah, of cou-"

"-e does better with physi-"

His breathing stuttered, catching in his throat, as his eyes slipped closed. Relaxing against the sturdy heat in front of him.

Gentle protests were carefully subdued, as Karl was shifted, letting the weary murmurs die against his tongue as the hands moved him, adjusting him until he as pressed against that solid comfort again.

Slate eyes blinked aggressively, ridding themselves of bittersweet tears. His lungs squeezed, throat swallowing around nothing as sweet nothings lulled him into a place of serenity.

A pair of lips settled against his hairline, planting a soft kiss against the skin. "Got to bed, Karl. You're safe. It's okay."

 _Like I get a cho_ -"ice in that.." The words trailed off, dripping with exhaustion, filled to the brim with a sense of relief. A huff of air breathed against his skin, blowing softly.

"No. You don't." Amused, the lips against his forehead turned into a small smile, lifting at the corners.

The brunet felt his arms move on their own, pushing insistently until they were wrapped around the body he was pressed against. The hands moved again, on settling against the base of his spine, a constant pressure to let him know he was safe, the other settled on the back of his head, thumb gently stroking his scalp. 

Karl sighed softly, the tense atmosphere relaxing into something childish and playful, something nostalgic. His heart shuddered, swimming thoughts becoming nothing but background noise, drowned out by the nonstop chant of safety, and care.

His eyes fluttered shut, shallow pants settling into deep, relaxed breaths. The rhythmic thump thump thump of a heartbeat that wasn't his own burned through his ears. 

"Goodnight, Karl."

Eventually, his melancholy dreams dissolved, light shining through the small window on the opposite side of the room, birds noisily waking him up.

The first thing he noticed upon waking up was the fact that he was incredibly warm, a tense sort of fire surrounding his body, holding him close, keeping in sheltered and protected. The second thing he noticed were the hands pressed near his tailbone, fingers splayed out, keeping him from moving. 

His head was tucked underneath somebody's chin, nose pressed into the skin of their neck, heavy puffs of air landing on the top of his head.

Karl bit the inside of his cheek, shifting a little, wincing as the body he was pressed against groaned, holding him tighter. He cringed lightly, tv static shooting up his arm, tiny needles prickling underneath the skin of his arm. 

He pulled slowly, carefully disentangling himself from the heady comfort that surrounded him. His teeth dug into the area he was biting just a little bit harder, cutting off a yelp as the body shifted, turning on it's back, taking him with it.

Grabbing the hands on his back, Karl slowly pulled them away, face going pink as he sat up.

_Nick? Nick was-...He? Cuddling-...He's so warm...And...He's so pretty._

The brunet let himself stare, breathing in deep while shifting to sit comfortable on Sapnap's thighs. Aluminum eyes traced over the other man's features, picking up on warm tinted skin, and peach fuzz dusting his chin.

Zeroing in on the other man's lips felt like a crime, something dirty, an act that should be kept a secret.

_You want to kiss him so badly that it's crazy._

"You're staring."

A rough voice, riddled with sleep, jolted him out of his thoughts, eyes snapping to meet Sapnap's. His cheeks flushed, going from a light pink to a dark red. He stammered, feeling Nick's hands settle on his hips.

His breathing shuddered, shaking as he inhaled. "I-. I didn't mean to, I swear-. I'm so sorry, that must have been-...really weird...I-" The words felt clipped, laced with a sense of urgency.

"I'm gonna-...yeah, I'll-"

He swung his right leg over Nick's, desperately pulling the other man's hands away from his body before standing up quickly. He didn't give Sapnap any time to protest as he walked out of the room, face burning.

Walking into the kitchen to get something to eat felt almost domestic, soft a floaty. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

_Maybe it has something to do that you were basically straddling some dude you barely know after cuddling with him all night. Shut up._

Karl huffed softly, shaking away his nervous energy. Quiet footsteps echoed through the dorm room, stopping just behind him. His breath caught in his throat, body going rigid underneath the burning stare aimed at the back of his head. "Look, I'm really s-.." 

"Sapnap huh? I mean. I'm not really all that surprised, Clay did say you'd probably like him. But coming back to find you two passed out together, cuddling was not how I had expected to find out."

The British man didn't even look at him, grabbing the carton of milk out of the fridge. "It isn't what you-...wait, Clay? Like Dream? He knows Ni-..Sapnap? Wait I-..Okay George, it is not what it looks like. I just....had a panic attack last night. He helped calm me down."

"Yeah, I'm sure it isn't what it looks like, considering you're shirtless, and your face is bright red." The sound of Cereal being poured bounced off of the walls.

He choked, sucking in air sharply. "George!" Heat flared in his stomach, an embarrassed cough pushing itself past his lips as Sapnap walked into the kitchen, immediately snuggling up to Karl, face pressed into the crook of his neck. "Hey George."

"Hi Sapnap." George's eyebrows raised, looking at Karl expectantly, a knowing smile plastered on his face as he walked out of the kitchen.

"What was that about." A shiver ran up his spine, skin tingling as Nick's lips mouthed the words over his neck. "Nothing. It-..It was nothing."

Karl felt, more then saw, Sapnap's mouth quirk up into a cocky little smirk, tone bordering on flirty. "Sure didn't look like nothing, did I make your face go red?"

He squawked, swatting away Nick's face, and wiggling out of his grip, storming out of the kitchen as laughter bubbled passed the other brunet's lips.

"Poor Karl!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! it means the world to me that you guys were so supportive! really! thank you so so so much. thank you for reading!! as well! that is pretty epic! comments are always appreciated! always. constructive criticism is also very nice! if you have any advice, i'd love to hear it!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! again, please let me know if i could improve or tweak anything! tell me about spelling errors too! i dont beta read my stuff jfedhsk!


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